Ep 1: Learnings from January 2024
On processing emotions, mindfulness, failure, communicating, and productivity
Bali —
It's February 1st. A year ago, this would have been just another day. But since I started doing monthly reviews of my journal entries, the first of each month now feels like an opportunity to reset.A chance to reflect, forgive, and start again.
I’m launching this series called WILTW. I don’t have many regrets but one thing I wish I did more of is get organized and document my learnings as I go through life (and I’ve been learning a lot especially since taking a year-long career break). Lately, I’ve been consuming a lot of Nano Grit and one thing they really harp on is the importance of sharing your learnings to the world.
I think I’ll be doing myself a favor as well. This is a really easy way to access the different versions of myself that I become over time, and cherish them. A way to see how my values evolve as I age. And of course, I hope these learnings also strike a chord with my readers (if I ever have any), just like they did with me.
So this is my antidote. I aim to publish insights from my life journey weekly. Most of these are quotes and ideas that resonated well with me and made it to my journal. They reached inside. From the books that I read, the videos I watch, the podcasts I listen to. And sometimes, by my own rumination or from the people I talk to. Topics range from mental health (a lot on that), self improvement, tech, productivity, etc. And since I didn’t get to start this a few weeks earlier, here goes some of my notes from the last 4 weeks of January.
Ready?
There is love debt in families; and it shows when members cannot express love to each other — Alain de Botton (on why people act “crazy” and how those are defense mechanisms from childhood)
“I’m very real where it counts, and thats inside and my outlook in life, the way I care about people and the way I care about myself” — Dolly Parton (answering Barbara Walters, who had the audacity to tell her she didn’t have to dress the way she does)
On mindfulness
If you can see the river, you’re out of the river
— Yongir Mingyur Rinpoche (on how recognition of awareness is the key to meditation, not the ohms or ahs )My mind is the final say. What I think about me is the alpha and the omega. You don’t know me more than I know me. Whatever is in my mind is my reality. — paraphrase from — Janelle Monae (explaining how her mindset is a muscle)
On communication
Train yourself to listen to what is not being said to help you understand what's being avoided or covered up.— I think this is from a UX course
“One up” - a conversational move done to dominate a conversation. “One across” - attempts to neutralize a conversation.
If you respond to a hostile question with a hostile response, you’re the one that ends up looking bad. If you lose your composure, it’s the only thing anybody remembers.
— communication coach, Alex Lyons (who gave a play by play analysis of the Dolly Parton, Barbara Walters interview)
On productivity
That feeling of sterility where nothing you’re doing seem to have instant results or gratification, it’s the feeling of becoming better — I can’t find the source
On failure
While we’re doing it, it’s easy to imagine that those around us are completely sure of themselves, moving forward in a well-lit space. In fact, if you visit a growing company, a useful school or anywhere that growth is happening, you’ll quickly see that everyone is stumbling forward in the shadows. That’s part of the deal. — Seth Godin daily blog
When you think you have it figured out, vs when you don’t. You’re in conflict. You’ve sold yourself a dream that’s not a reality. You’re a beginner. Own it. — Janelle Monae (on being realistic and embracing being a beginner)
On processing emotions
“Anger is like throwing hot coal to someone else; in the process of picking it up, you also get burned” — paraphrase from Buddhaghosa
The below are notes from Therapy in a Nutshell — a video series in Youtube about how to process emotions created by a licensed therapist 3 years ago. Definitely a treat. And lots of comments saying this series is saving them hundreds, thousand of dollars in therapy bills.
Emotions are resources, not obstacles. They’re often an indication that something needs to change. Pain receptors are incredibly useful and necessary.
There are times where it’s necessary to put emotions aside. For example in the case of a police officer or an EMT responding to an accident site. Sometimes you need to push your emotions to the side so you can respond well. But you have to process them later.
Overeating and procrastination can be a result of not being able to process emotions.
Clean vs Dirty pain
Clean - this pain is a natural result of caring
Dirty - this pain is the result of you take responsibility for the things outside your control; it is self inflicted
Unsure - Im not sure if this is self inflicted so I’ll keep on exploring and stay open while moving forward in my chosen path
Serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference
True accountability is knowing what are the things youre accountable for and not
A metaphor for coping or resisting emotions is that you’re trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It takes up a lot of energy and when you can’t hold on any longer it bursts up violently. If you would just let it float it would be in your face for a while but it would eventually drift away. — Youtube comment
How to deal with anger. Anger is often about fairness and protection. Options:
Check if its a secondary emotion (e.g., its not disappointment, regret, etc)
Stand up for yourself, right the wrong, do whats necessary, shout if it’d ward off others for your protection
Change your perspective
Open up some space for acceptance, let the emotion pass through, and do nothing
On pain: focus on how to live a life you value using your willingness skills to make space for pain.
Until next week! 👋